


A Sleepless Night

by MunchingOnZebras



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Awkwardness, Fluff, Frottage, M/M, Phanfiction, Sexual Tension, attempts at humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-10-21
Packaged: 2018-04-20 17:28:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4796057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MunchingOnZebras/pseuds/MunchingOnZebras
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's cold and there is a moth in his room. Dan is not dealing with this right now. He just wants to have a good nights sleep. </p>
<p>So he decides to invade Phil's room for help. </p>
<p>Well if Dan can't sleep then Phil doesn't get to sleep either.</p>
<p>It's only fair.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dan hated not being able to fall asleep.

It just made him irritable and the worst thing was he couldn’t convey these frustrations to anyone because he was trying to sleep, God Dammit! 

He carried on switching positions and staring into the black void, wondering if he should just give up and play on his phone for a bit until the inevitable drowsiness slipped in but then he remembered he was meeting Louise tomorrow. Let’s face it if he went on his phone he’d be up until the early hours of the morning. Then he’d be late and Louise probably wouldn’t appreciate that. 

She wanted to talk about something and apparently it had to involve him meeting in town at some over priced, over crowded café but he hadn’t seen her in awhile so he supposed he could forgive her for making him go outside.

After a little while longer of trying to calm his thoughts and body and telling them to just go to fucking sleep already. He gave up and grabbed his phone so he could scroll through Tumblr.

 

 

While he was reading through a particularly long post, which turned out was mostly arguing. Something flew past him and he saw the biggest moth he’d _ever seen_ fly onto his phone. He made an inhuman noise throwing his phone across the bed. He grabbed his duvet and quickly vacated the room.

There was no turning back. It was the moth’s room now.

He ended up in the dark hallway and quickly turned on the light. He felt a cold chill and firmly wrapped the duvet around himself. He had a couple of choices of where to sleep, the gaming room or the lounge but then he remembered that they’d opened the windows in both those rooms for the night to cool them down, which obviously worked ‘cause he was freezing his tits off now. Seriously though why was it too hot during the day and too cold during the night it’s like the universe was plotting against him to stop him from getting anything done. Although it probably didn’t help that he slept in only his underwear.

Since he wasn’t risking anymore fuzzy flying little bastards attacking him in the night he decided to go for his back up plan and knock on Phil’s door.

‘Phil there’s a freakin’ giant moth in my room’

He was met only with the sound of muffled grumbling.

Since Phil was barely conscious Dan decided to just invite himself in to see if he could actually get a coherent answer from Phil.

‘Mmmerrm what do you want Dan?’ Phil mumbled, barely audibly. 

‘There’s a huge monster of a moth in my room’

‘Wha’ am I supposed to do ‘bout it?’ Came the reply from the creature that was more duvet than person.

‘I don’t know…hit it with a shoe?’

‘I’m not doing that, that’s cruel!’ He said yawning, slightly more awake, but still mostly asleep.  

‘Well I’m definitely not doing it, it might eat me or try and drink my blood!?’ Dan whined, while moving from one foot to the other to try and stop his body temperate from dropping below zero.

‘It probably just wants to mate with you so it can form a breed of super Dan moth hybrids. Imagine, 6ft moths but with your face and a fringe.’ 

Dan glared at Phil.

‘Phil this is serious, I’m not going back in my room. I’m not sure if I’m ever going back in there. I’m gonna have to burn it down. We’re gonna have to go-’ Dan continued talking about his plan to burn down the apartment and flee England to move to Mexico but Phil lost track half way through and mostly just followed his exaggerated hand movements with mild bewilderment. 

‘Why don’t you just sleep in one of the other rooms then’ Phil argued cutting Dan off mid rant.

‘Because we left the freakin’ windows open to cool it down and now it’s freezing with the possibility of more moths flying in at some point in the night.’

Phil yawned loudly ‘Well, you can stay in here tonight if you want?’ He shuffled himself over to the left side, leaving space for Dan.

‘Are you-Are you sure that’s alright?’ Feeling slightly hopeful that he wouldn’t have to spend the rest of his night fighting off killer moths.

‘Yeah it’s fine’ Phil rolled over to go back to sleep while Dan turned off the hall light, walked over to the right side, leaving his duvet on the floor, and climbed into the bed.

There was silence as Phil found himself slipping back into sleep again but the bed kept moving as Dan restlessly moved back and forth trying to find the ideal sleeping position that would magically make him fall asleep, and failing. While Phil was actually sleepy the rustling was making it difficult to go back to sleep so he turned around and faced Dan.

‘Is something the matter?’ Phil sighed wishing he could just go back to enjoying his quiet night.

‘I can’t sleep also I’m freezing. How are you not shivering right now?’

Phil looked over at Dan and despite the darkness in the room he could tell the younger man _was_ shivering pretty badly, maybe sleeping in his underwear wasn’t the best idea.

Phil thought about it for a second wondering if it might be weird but decided that it didn’t matter, it was late, he was tired, so he could always blame it on that.

Phil shuffled closer for a second and opened up his arms.

‘Come here’

Surprisingly Dan didn’t say anything to protest he simply moved closer to Phil until they were in a situation that could only really be described as cuddling, Dan must have been really cold.

Dan was extremely cold. Phil didn’t realise humans could actually get this cold, at least not live ones.

Phil immediately felt sorry for him and even if it wasn’t exactly pleasant to cling to freezing cold skin he had to be a good friend and not let Dan die of hypothermia. Or freeze into a giant ice block. So Phil made it his duty to wrap his body around Dan’s as much as possible to act as his heated blanket.

‘Omg you’re so warm this is amazing’ Dan practically moaned not even caring how it might sound.

‘Good now go to sleep’ Phil said, resting his head on Dan’s shoulder.

‘But I can’t sleep though.’

‘Well I can. So goodnight Dan’

‘Don’t leave me, I’m Bored’

‘How am I leaving you, I’m as physically close to you as I can be right now’

 

 

They carried on bickering for an unreasonable amount of time until Phil gave up realising that he probably wasn’t getting any sleep tonight.

‘Wanna play I spy?’ Phil suggested.

‘Fine. I spy with my little eye something beginning with D’ Dan muttered in a sarcastic tone.

‘Darkness?’

‘Yep your go.’

‘I spy with my little eye something beginning with M’

‘If there is a moth anywhere in this room I swear to God I’m fleeing the country ‘

Phil laughed ‘Actually it was mole’

‘Oh I’m sorry I must have missed the massive non-existent mole in your room’

‘No I mean on your shoulder, you have a mole’ Phil pointed out, poking it with his finger.

‘Oh right, well my turn-’ Dan spluttered quickly moving back to the game.

 

 

They carried on playing until Dan was yawning into Phil’s shoulder and started drifting off. Unfortunately for Phil, the little game had woken him up leaving his mind to wonder.

Now that he was awake, he was suddenly a lot more conscious of the fact that Dan’s mostly naked body was pressed up against his and how he’d started snoring and probably drooling on his shoulder.

He also found that Dan’s snoring was surprisingly cute.

Phil had never found anyone’s snoring cute before, well unless it was a small woodland creature’s, and Dan was very far from being anything close to that.

Perhaps that was a weird thing to think about his best friend…

But at least for tonight he could blame it on a sleepless night and an overly friendly moth.

 

Because right now he was far too comfortable to care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. So I'm pretty new to the Phandom and have basically been watching them to avoid any of my responsibilities during the summer. I feel a little weird writing fanfiction about real people so for the record I don't actually think they're a couple. Just good friends. This is just for fun. Please don't ever let them see this. 
> 
> Anyway speaking of this, it was going to be a one-shot fic but I have more ideas for it to make it into a multi chapter thing where they might actually get together (and maybe with some smut too). 
> 
> SO if you're interested in reading more of this then please comment and let me know. 
> 
> Give me the motivation to continue T-T 
> 
>  
> 
> (Sorry the story is kinda lame and I'm bad writer bye)


	2. Chapter 2

Dan moaned.

A dark figure leaned over him, rubbing its hand against Dan's crotch. It seemed to be completely genderless. Dan had no idea who it was or what it was since he couldn’t make out any facially features but right now he didn’t really care. All he cared about was the feeling of its hand rubbing against him as he started to rock and grind with the movement.

He was fully hard by the time the figure reached inside his underwear and started stroking his dick. It was so frustrating. Its hand moved so slowly and seemed to have no intention of speeding up anytime soon. He wanted it to move faster but it wouldn’t no matter how much he pleaded and for some reason his own hands were tied behind his back so he couldn’t do it himself. 

He didn’t know how it happened, considering how slowly the hand was moving but he was close. So close. He really wanted to cum right now it was literally all he wanted.

 

 

Now Dan didn’t have sex dreams often but when he did he saw no harm in indulging in them, might as well ride it out. However, this usually just left him awake in bed, sweaty and with a sad erection begging to be touched.  But he had no problem jacking off and carrying on with his day.

However, today was a different occasion because normally he wasn’t so close to coming by the time he woke up.

The dream of the bizarre dark figure slowly drifted out of his consciousness as he continued grinding against…the bed? No that wasn’t a bed, it was warm and soft like a bed but weirdly shaped. Also he was lying on his side so it was very unlikely it was a bed, unless his bed somehow managed to bend into a ninety-degree angle in the night.

His hands wrapped around it tighter. His fingers touching the flesh of its back where its shirt had ridden up. 

Definitely not a bed. 

It seemed to be a person but Dan’s sleep ridden brain still found it difficult to put the pieces together. He was tired and he was close to coming. No one should expect him to make complex observations right now.

He wrapped one leg around the person’s thigh for leverage and pushed his hips against the soft body next to him. He was desperate for friction and so damn close. As he continued to chase his orgasm he felt something rubbing against his lower stomach. 

It suddenly hit him like a freight train…and, unfortunately for him, it wasn’t the orgasm that hit him. 

He’d come to Phil’s room last night. He shared a bed with Phil. He was still sharing a bed with Phil. He had Phil’s erection pressed against him.

Dear God.

And yet even with this realisation he couldn’t quite bring himself to stop. He was so very, very close. Maybe he could just finish quickly and pass it off as a dream or whatever this was. He had truly reached the point of not caring. He blocked out all other thoughts in his head and chased his sweet release. 

And this time it did hit him. He came. He came _hard_.

He muffled a moan into Phil neck hoping he wouldn’t wake up. What he hadn’t realised though is when he was grinding his hips he wasn’t the only one doing it. As soon as he’d ridden out his orgasm he stopped grinding but his hips kept moving. Phil’s hips were moving. Phil was wake. Oh shit.

Phil’s movements got more frantic and then his body shook slightly and he settled down.  Relaxing back into his position wrapped around Dan’s body.

Then it was silent. Unbearable silent. 

Dan’s body remained still while his thoughts moved a mile a minute. 

Oh God. Oh God. What the fuck had he just done!?

Why did he carry on? Why didn’t he just stop as soon as he realised? What the fuck was he thinking?

Phil was his best friend who he’d lived with for years. He was a major part of his life. They had a book and a radio show and a channel and a load of videos together.

And he had to fuck that up didn’t he. He had to make it weird by coming in his underwear while rubbing his dick against Phil.

Oh sweet Jesus what the hell had he done. 

The situation they were in right now felt exceedingly awkward. More awkward than anything Dan had experienced before and that’s really saying something. They were just clinging to each other while trying to make the least amount of sound and movement as possible.

What should he do? Does he address the situation? Make it out like it was a joke? Or and accident? Like it was no big deal? ‘Cause it kind of felt like a big deal.

If Dan could just sink into the bed and fall out of existence right now he would. 

He looked over Phil’s shoulder begging for some kind of distraction or scapegoat and whatever God’s there may be up there must have been smiling upon him in some twisted way because he noticed the clock. 

He was late to meet Louise.

Yet another mistake he’s made today and it wasn’t even noon.

He got up quickly, almost hitting Phil in the process, and blurted out ‘LatetomeetLouisebye’, picked up his duvet on the way out and shut the door behind him. He didn’t even look back at Phil when he left his room. He couldn’t. He felt so embarrassed and so unprepared for this entire situation. He needed to get his thoughts together and figure out what to do in the least emotionally scarring way possible. 

When he got to his room, got dressed as quickly as he could without tripping over his jeans and gave Louise a quick text to say he was on his way.  He needed a good distraction right now and there was nothing like one good friend to distract you from another…who might not even want to be Dan’s friend after all this Oh FUC-

Yeah a distraction was definitely needed.

He left their apartment and on his way out he was sure he heard Phil mumble something from his room but there was no way he was staying around to find out what it was. The embarrassment was too much for him right now.

 

 

The tube was as humid and overcrowded as always. He’d definitely have to remind Louise to not arrange their meet ups during rush hour next time.

 

 

‘Well if you’d left earlier like I’d told you to then it wouldn’t have been rush hour would it’ Louise exclaimed over her large sugary coffee abomination.

‘I don’t think you remember the kind of person you’re talking to because I’m not, and never will be, a morning person. Why on Earth are did you want to meet this early in the morning anyway?’ Dan questioned over his equally large sugary coffee abomination.

Dan had come into the small coffee shop around 45 minutes late and found Louise at a small table in the back. She didn’t seem too happy about having to wait for 45 minutes but she acted a lot grumpier than she actually was. She had arranged to meet up pretty early so she wasn’t all that surprised he was late. After a few minutes of apologising and excuses they’d ordered their drinks and settled down to catch up with each other.

‘Yeah sorry about that I had to get a sitter to look after Darcy today and they had to arrive early. Something to do with the buses or trains or something’ 

‘Well I suppose that couldn’t be helped then. So what was the big news you wanted to tell me?’

It seemed that the big news Louise wanted to tell him was that she was getting another kitten. Dan was pretty sure she had enough cats but Louise quickly explained that there was no such thing. Well at least to a point where you had enough space and money to keep them happy and comfortable. She wasn’t quite ready to become a crazy cat lady, yet. She was certainly holding out hope for the future though. 

The conversation with Louise felt like a relaxing break. She was the type of person that he could always laugh with and feel comfortable around.

 

 

They’d spent a good amount of time thinking of different cat names but were unable to settle of any of them. Dan preferably liked Haru-chan or Tiny Kanye but Louise quickly shot those down.

While thinking through different names Dan’s mind started to wander again, which it hadn’t done since the morning, and it was going into dangerous territory because _all_ he could think about was what happened this morning. It was like he was reliving the embarrassment over and over and over-

‘Dan are you okay? You’ve gone really quiet and you’ve got that look on your face like someone just died.’

‘Oh right sorry. Just spaced out a second there.’

‘I’m not sure I believe you. Are you positively sure you’re okay?’

Dan thought for a second if he should tell her about his humiliating and possibly friendship-ruining event. He didn’t really want anyone else to know about it but at the same time if he let his mind wonder anymore about this he might end up having a mental breakdown. So he figured he might as well. Hell, she may even give him some good advice on what to do, ‘cause honestly, he had nothing.

‘Something happened last night with Phil’

‘Well you two are pretty weird so this doesn’t surprise me, go on’ Louise looked up at him eagerly awaiting his, mostly likely, overly dramatic story.  

‘So this moth got into my room and so I ended up staying in Phil’s room.’ Dan paused, still unsure if he should really tell her the whole story. Then again Louise did wait for him for 45 minutes today, she was truly a wonderful friend. He should really trust her more.

‘O-Kay I already knew you were afraid of moths, so what’s knew there?’

‘In his bed Louise, I stayed in his bed.’ He said putting emphases on each word.

‘That’s. Not. That. Weird. Daniel’ Louise Mimicked ‘I’ve shared beds with plenty of my female friends so I don’t see why you need to make a big deal about it just because you’re both guys’

‘I sleep in my underwear Louise’ Dan wasn’t even looking at Louise anymore. The story wasn’t even half finished and already the embarrassment was rising in his cheeks.

‘Well that’s a bit awkward but you’ve lived with him for what, four years now? Surely you’ve seen each other in your underwear before?’ 

‘Well yeah but there’s more to it than that.’ Dan sighed ‘I was really cold because of the weather lately and the whole sleeping in my underwear thing and Phil basically hugged me. We cuddled and we fell asleep like that.’ Dan rambled, feeling like his life was ending with every word.

At this point Louise was finding it difficult to keep a straight face. The fact that he was making such a big deal about this was endearing, if not ultimately ridiculous.

‘So you cuddled?’ Louise was laughing now. She couldn’t help it. Since when did cuddling condone this amount of worrying.

Dan quickly cut in before he could chicken out completely. ‘Okay there’s still one more thing.’

‘Well spit it out. I have to get back soon and I won’t be able to if I’m stuck in between your cuddling-crisis.’ 

Well it was now or never.

‘I had a sex dream this morning and without thinking I grinded into the nearest surface, which happened to be Phil, and ended up coming and I’m pretty sure he did to.’ He talked through that sentence far quicker than necessary but he could tell Louise heard every word.

‘Ah’ Louise looked at him in pity ‘Okay I can see why you’ve been worrying. So have you two talked about it?’

Dan sighed ‘No I left to meet you. So I don’t really know what to do about it. Maybe I should just pretend it didn’t happen and move on’ 

‘That’s probably not a good idea. If you two don’t talk about then you’ll always have this weird awkward thing between you. It’s best to just talk about to get it out of the way and get things back to normal as soon as possible.’

Dan looked at her with a pained look on his face ‘I really don’t wanna talk about it’.

‘Look just get it over with and you’ll both be better for it. It doesn’t have to be a huge conversation or anything-just mention it, apologise and move on. Ya know, these things happen? Well… no they don’t really but you get what I mean.’ 

‘That’s not greatly reassuring but yeah I get you. Fine I guess I’ll do that. I have no idea why it even happened to begin with. What the fuck was I thinking?!’ Dan groaned, dropping his head into his hands with an audible slap that made Louise wince.

‘Well, I don’t mean to be pry, and in all honestly I’m not sure I even want to know but for the sake of your sanity and, hopefully, sorting out this situation tell me, how long has it been since you’ve had sex or a date for that matter?’

‘Um’ Dan paused. When was the last time? He honestly couldn’t remember. Both him and Phil have been so busy with work and travelling and editing and a million over things that I guess he hadn’t really thought about it.

‘If you can’t even remember when the last time you’ve been with someone then it’s been too long. Look maybe you just need a girlfriend. I mean it’s no surprise you’d cling to the nearest warm body after it’s been that long’ 

‘Wow don’t make me sound too desperate Louise’ he huffed, but he was smiling now so that was a good sign.

‘I know I’ve got an idea. I have this friend who’s single and I think you’ll really like her.’ Louise smile too over joyed by her idea ‘How about I set you two up on a blind date? I promise she’s not secretly an obsessed fangirl’

Dan wasn’t exactly in love with the idea. Meeting a stranger for the first time and eating food while exchanging small talk, when he could be sitting in his room on the Internet all night? Yeah, he’d pick the latter any day.

But then again Louise did have a point and it had been awhile since he’s met anyone who had the possibility of turning into anything more than a friend. 

‘Fine why not.’

‘Yes I’m so excited you’re going to love her!’

Unfortunately Dan didn’t share the same enthusiasm.

 

 

The tube journey back home seemed far too short for his liking. He’d had a fun time hanging out with Louise and, in the end, he was glad he told her about what happened but he just wasn’t sure if he was ready to face home already. 

And he definitely wasn’t ready to face Phil.

He opened the door to their apartment and begrudgingly made his way upstairs. He could hear the TV on in the lounge and made a mental note to avoid it but it apparently he wasn’t quite quiet enough on his way up. 

‘Did you pick up milk?’ Phil yelled from their lounge. 

Milk? Since when was he supposed to pick up milk? 

He walked into the lounge like he was walking towards his execution. This was going to be painful.

‘You never asked for milk’ Dan said and he walked into the lounge, shutting the door behind him and expertly avoiding eye contact. 

‘I did right before you left.’ And suddenly the memories of the morning came flooding back once more. Why couldn’t they just leave him be?

‘Uh sorry I didn’t hear you’ the awkward silence was back which he hated more than anything because silence has never been awkward between them before. It wasn’t fair that it was now. Once incident shouldn’t be able to affect their friendship so much.

Dan stood in the doorway feeling increasingly more uncomfortable until finally the silence was broken.

‘By the way, I’m sorry about what happened this morning. I must just have been having a weird dream. I mean, ya know how it is.’ Phil looked up at him pleading for things to be okay.

‘Yeah same here and it’s cool don’t worry about it.’ Dan responded. He wasn’t really sure why Phil was the one apologising but he was grateful for it nonetheless.

‘There’s nothing good on TV, wanna have a Mario Kart tournament?’ Phil smiled while wigging his eyebrows in the most ridiculous way, trying to shift the mood into something a little more light-hearted.

Dan laughed ‘Sure but get ready to be annihilated’.

‘You’re on!’

With that the weirdness was gone and it was almost like it’d never happened. Louise was right it didn’t have to be a big deal, it happened, and they’ll move on.

Dan sat down next to Phil and proceeded to beat Phil five times in a row. Showboating his way through each win.

‘That’s what you get when you take on the champion!’ Dan yelled in a booming voice. To really rub it in he got all up in Phil’s face to make another remark and wow Phil smells surprisingly nice today how did he not notice before and isn’t his face a little close, why is his face so close?? Why was be leaning in what was he doing.

Dan turned his head and coughed ‘Um next round right? Get ready to get rekt Phil’

 

 

Louise was wrong. Dan was wrong.

Things were still weird. They were definitely still weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've decided to continue this and hopefully try and make it good. The next chapter probably won't be done as soon as this one was but we'll see. It might be done sooner than I expect, who knows.
> 
> Anyway hope you like it and btw sorry if my writing style is a bit annoying. When it comes to writing, I've gotten to a point where I've given up trying to make it completely grammatically correct and so now I'm just doing whatever is easiest for me to read and write.
> 
> Yep, sorry but hope you liked it anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

‘You’re going on a date?’

Dan and Phil were in their lounge watching mindless television with their laptops on their knees. They were discussing video ideas and at some point the conversation had turned to Dan visiting Louise the other day. 

‘Yeah she seems to think I need a girlfriend.’ Dan replied barely looking up from his sofa crease that seemed to be getting more and more indented every time he sat down. One day it will devour him. This is the prize he must pay for comfort.

‘Yeah that might be a good idea. You need someone who’ll make you go out and experience the outside world for all its wonders. Who knows you might even experience a real life badger.’

‘Well hopefully I won’t scare her off then and how exactly does one experience a badger?’

‘You’ll be fine, you just need to introduce yourself, make small talk and then take lots of selfies together for Instagram.’

‘Are you taking about the girl or the badger?’

‘The badger.’

 

 

The day of the blind date was here and Dan couldn’t be more nervous. He doesn’t really remember how you do this. Most of his dating experience came from the girls he dated in high school and Uni but he’s not sure if he’s ever done the proper sit down traditional dinner date thing with any of them. It wasn’t like he’d never been to fancy restaurants before, not that the one he was going to was particularly fancy anyway, but anytime he’d been to these places it’d been with friends or family. It was always a group activity rather than a one-on-one thing.

He was trying not to panic but it really wasn’t working. Why was everything putting him on edge lately?

On the plus side though things with Phil were pretty much the same as always and there hadn’t been any _weird incidents_ in the past couple of days. So the Dan and Phil household was once again back to its normal happy state.

That said Dan’s nerves were out of control so he decided to get a glass of water to drown the butterflies in his stomach.

As he entered the kitchen he was greeted with the sight of sleepy Phil wearing creased clothes with the slightest hint of stubble. It was a _really_ good look on him.

He looked cute. Like ten purring kittens in a basket cute.

The weird was coming back so help him. 

It turned out that despite there not being anymore weird _incident_ s that didn’t mean his brain wouldn’t make up for them by giving him plenty of weird _thoughts_ about his roommate and even stranger dreams. He didn’t quite know where he stood at the moment. His very non-platonic thoughts about his _very_ platonic relationship with his best friend were starting to worry him, but hey what wasn’t lately.

Dan tried to ignore the thoughts that were flooding his brain while he got a glass from the cupboard. Apparently though he couldn’t ignore all of them.

‘Are those new glasses?’ 

‘Huh?’ Phil yawned ‘No these are the same ones I always wear’ 

‘Oh right, well they look good on you. They suit you. Makes your eyes look… pretty. You should wear them more often.’ Dan finished awkwardly staring at his feet.

Pretty? Pretty?? PRETTY??!!

‘Uh thanks I might but contacts are easier I don’t like wearing glasses all the time.’

‘Fair enough’ Dan had never had such and uncontrollable urge to unironically use the phrase _no homo_. That said, at this point it would probably only draw attention to it, if anything.

Phil seemed oblivious to Dan’s inner turmoil and carried on with his task of stacking tea bags on top of their box while he was waiting for the kettle to boil, which was _really not helping his inner turmoil._

There was something very distracting about him. He was also starting to realise that Phil had very nice hands.

This was getting seriously creepy.

It was like every time things were back to normal Dan had to do something to fuck it up somehow. Why couldn’t he just leave things be. What was wrong with him? 

The kettle boiled and Phil poured himself a cup of hot chocolate. How he was drinking hot drinks on a hot day Dan had no idea but at least it reminded him why he’d come into the kitchen to begin with. He went to the sink and poured himself a glass of water. 

‘So you excited for your date?’ Phil said looking up from his deliciously sweet smelling hot chocolate that wasn’t making Dan regret his water decision or anything.

‘If by excited you mean completely shitting myself then yes I couldn’t be more ecstatic.’ Dan replied holding his boring glass of water that tasted like nothingness and regret. Which was just how he was feeling right now. Perfect.  

‘You’ll be fine. She’s going to love you and when she does I expect to be invited to the wedding.’

‘Don’t worry you’ll my first choice for best man.’ Dan stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

‘Nooo I want to be the flower girl…or boy. I wanna throw the flowers at everyone’ Phil clarified grinning like he’d already mentally noted down who would be his first victims.   

That put a lot of images into Dan’s head and he seemed stuck with the mental picture of Phil in a flowery gown menacingly throwing flowers at people while cackling like some kind of Disney villain. He couldn’t help bursting out laughing at the thought. Phil Smiled back and added more details to his plan, by the end of it they were both doubled over in laughter.

He’d agreed that, if he were to get married, Phil could be the designated flower launcher.

 

 

As much as he would have preferred to stay with Phil and plan his imaginary wedding he realised he was cutting time short and he’d already been late once this week. He wasn’t planning on doing it again, especially on a first date.

‘Hey I gotta get going. I’ll see you later’ just as he was about to leave Phil grabbed his arm turning him around and it was like time went in slow motion. Dan’s arm felt hot where Phil’s fingers touched him, sending little tingling electric shocks throughout his body. Phil looked straight into his eyes, his gaze was intense, and while he’d normally want to look away, all he wanted to do was lean into it.

‘Pick up some milk on the way’

Dan nodded.

 

 

While the idea of being late for a first date sounded horribly rude and embarrassing it seemed like the idea of being early was equally as terrible, because now he was stuck on an empty table in a dimly lit restaurant, that Louise had decided on, jumping at any girl who walked through the door.  He was starting to wish Louise had at least shown him a picture of her so he knew whom to expect.

When he was on his own his thoughts would wander more than any other time. He tried his best to keep these thoughts in check since it really wasn’t an appropriate time for them (not that there ever was an appropriate time for them) but again they seemed to be going to traitorous depths.

And the current thought that was haunting his subconscious was a combination of how cute and sleepy Phil looked earlier on that day and the feel of Phil’s hard dick pressed against his stomach.

The worst thing was that, despite him trying not to make things weird, these thoughts were starting to appear in his head so often that he didn’t even bother trying to shut them down anymore. Honestly, people daydreamed about weird things; it did mean they meant anything.

Now he’d just let his inappropriate daydream run its course and hope for the love of God that no one in the vicinity was a mind reader. 

Thankfully, before it got anywhere too explicit, a girl came through the door. Well in was more like she fell through the door and oh did she look embarrassed and he saw it. He felt bad for her but at the same time was immediately relieved because he realised she wasn’t some scary monster but just another person who couldn’t walk in high heels. Dan related to her. He probably couldn’t walk in those heels either.

‘Hi, my name is Jessica, you must be Dan right?’ She smiled still flustered from her less-then-graceful entrance and Dan couldn’t help thinking she was cute. 

Dan stood up to greet her properly, which, in hindsight, was probably a mistake since she seemed taken back by the fact that he was almost twice the size of her. After that though she settled down into the seat opposite from him and he took a moment to really look at her. She was definitely pretty there was no doubt about that, long mousy brown hair and bright eyes that he couldn’t quite determine the colour of in this lighting. He then realised that he’d been looking at her for a little longer than would be deemed socially acceptable so he attempted to break the ice by starting up conversation.

 

 

Dan was honestly really surprised. The date was going well, which wasn’t what he’d expected at all. Maybe he should have more faith in himself because after the slight awkwardness at the start the conversation hadn’t stopped. They’d been talking all the way through dinner, barely stopping to eat their food, and the best thing was she even laughed at his lame jokes.

He’d felt like he’d really gotten to know her. She was a year older than him and studied a short course in business before opening her own bakery, which Dan was really impressed with. Especially since she offered to give him free cakes if he stopped by. She also liked Pokemon games and anime so they had plenty to talk about. 

When the topic of what he did for a living came up though he did dance around the subject somewhat before settling on telling her that he had a radio show with his flatmate. He didn’t deliberately want to lie to her because she knew that Louise did the _Youtube thing_ but if she didn’t know what he did then he’d prefer her not to know just yet. It wasn’t that he was ashamed of being a Youtuber, he’d just prefer it if they got to know each other in person first rather than how he presents himself on the internet.

 

 

The night was drawing to a close and after they’d left the restaurant Dan offered to walk her home since she lived relatively close by. 

The walk there was quieter than they’d been in the restaurant and Dan couldn’t help thinking about how nice the evening had been. He was actually glad Louise had done this which was surprising since he’d figured he’d be cursing her by the end of the night. But he wasn’t and yet something still didn’t quite feel right.

Maybe it’d just been a long time since he’d dated but he felt it was lacking something. As much as he enjoyed her company and as nice as the night had been there wasn’t any spark. There wasn’t that special thing that he’d felt in the past with girls he’d dated. The thing that made him want to be around them all the time and kiss them and maybe, one day, fall in love with them.  There just wasn’t that cheesy romantic thing that all the musicians wrote songs about. Did he even need that though? Relationships are never as perfect and romantic as they are in movies or songs but he still couldn’t help wishing that they were.

But right now he’d just realised that he should probably be trying to hold her hand or something since their hands kept bumping into each in a not-so-subtle way. He just didn’t feel it though. Was he broken? Because he honestly couldn’t think of any reason he shouldn’t want to date her. But he didn’t. What was going on with him lately?

‘So this is me.’ Jessica smiled gesturing to the front door of her apartment complex, successfully derailing Dan’s train of thought.

‘Oh right’ what was he supposed to do now? Does he just say goodbye and leave? Wait, isn’t this the part where he’s supposed to kiss her goodnight? Or is that too presumptuous? And does _he_ want to kiss her?

‘Um can I ask you a question? I don’t mean to get too personal or offend you in anyway but, are you gay?’

Huh. 

Wait. What.

What was she talking about? Had he given that impression? Then again it wasn’t the first time someone had asked him that but usually it was either Internet trolls or fangirls obsessed with the idea that PhAN iS ReAL OMG. Never someone he’d been on a date with.

‘Uh no. I’m not gay…I mean I like girls so I can’t be completely gay’ Dan STOP TALKING ‘Not that I’m against guys or anything. I’ve just never met one that I was interested in that way’ STOP TALKING ‘so I guess I’m kinda…ya know’

‘Bi-curious?’ She replied oddly unaffected by Dan’s impromptu confession.

‘Yeah I guess’ Where had this come from?! He wasn’t interested in guys. He’d walk down the street and see plenty of girls that he’d considered attractive but he’d never done that with guys. Well unless he’d noticed some guy with cool fashion sense that he liked but it was never about the actual person. He just didn’t notice guys the same way he did with girls. So why was he suddenly telling her this like it was a thing? Like it was an actual fully formed thought?

It seemed he was more surprised by the confession than she was.

‘That’s cool. I had the feeling there might have been something. Since I didn’t feel you were really that into me.’ She smiled a little sadly ‘I had a really good night though and I’d really like to be friends. So if you ever need someone to talk to about this I’m all ears’

‘Thanks. I really appreciate that. I’d definitely like to be friends’ Dan was actually a little relieved that she was saying this because he really didn’t want to have to turn her down. Maybe he could have figured out a better way to do it than telling her he was bi-curious. Which he totally isn’t right? 

Right?

 

 

They took a few moments to exchange numbers and he hugged her goodbye and thanked each other for a goodnight and not secretly being a serial killer/stalker.  After that he turned to leave and before he did she shouted one last thing to him as he walked away. 

‘I hope things work out with you and Phil’ she winked and let herself into her apartment.

Dan stood flabbergasted. Had Louise lied to him? Had she secretly been a fangirl all along? How could she have known-

And then he understood why she’d said that. He’d been talking about Phil the entire night. Every opportunity he had to talk about him he did and he didn’t even realise he’d been doing it. It was just so second nature to him by this point. But this had been worse than normal he hadn’t just been talking about Phil he’d been _gushing_ about him obnoxiously. Oh God no wonder she asked if he was gay.

 

She thought he was in love with Phil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a slightly later than the last one but if you liked it or didn't or whatever let me know what you think ^^
> 
> Imma go crawl into a hole now. Bye.


	4. Chapter 4

Dan was tired. Dan was having some kind of sexuality crisis. Dan was deeply confused. 

But mostly, Dan was just tired. Physically and emotionally.  

 

 

It was half ten by the time he got back to their apartment and, honestly, he wasn’t sure if he’d ever been this tired at 10pm before. Sleep was necessary. 

He made sure that he walked up the stairs quietly so he could sneak into his room. He was starting to feel bad about avoiding Phil. He loved spending time with his flatmate but lately he wasn’t really sure what he wanted from him. Especially since the things he’s been thinking about his friend the past week were anything but _friendly_. 

When he got into his room he quickly stripped down so he could wrap himself in his quilt, like some kind of human/duvet burrito. His goal was to become the most deliciously sleepy burrito he could be.   

While he haphazardly threw his clothes on the floor (which he mentally noted to pick up in the morning, he was going to do it, definitely, yep) he saw a black dot next to his crumpled jeans.

And on the floor next to said jeans happened to be a dead moth. The very same moth that had flown into his life, scared the living shit out of him and caused him to flee into his flatmate’s room leading to him to _getting off_ with said flatmate and making him worryingly confused about his sexuality. 

What an inconsiderate little bastard. 

Dan had never felt less pity for a dead creature in his life. Especially since it was far easier to blame a dead moth for all his problems than deal with them himself. 

He also noticed that the moth was actually a lot smaller than he originally thought, however his pride refused to fully acknowledge that fact and locked that observation far away into the deep recesses of his mind.

He scooped the moth up with a piece of paper and flung its corpse out the window, flipping it off as it floated away in the breeze, which he immediately regretted and hoped none of his neighbours had seen him.  

It wasn’t much of a funeral or a funeral at all for the matter but Dan was a firm believer that tiny dicks with wings should get the send off they deserve and that was falling and splatting onto one of the many streets of London. 

Thank God Phil wasn’t here, he’d probably nag him and say-…and he really needed to stop thinking about Phil and go to sleep. 

Dan transformed into his delicious burritoy self and, thankfully, his thoughts melted away as soon as his head hit the pillow.

 

 

It was 6am. 

Dan wasn’t even sure he knew what 6am was let alone why he was wake at this hour. Yet he was fully rested. So he got up at 6am. 

6am.

What on earth was happening to him?

He was starting to think he was morphing into an entirely different person. A person who goes on blind dates, wakes up at 6am and knows what his best friend’s dick feels like. Which was a lot bigger than he would have imaged and yep better stop thinking about Phil’s dick there Dan.

So the whole sexuality crisis thing. Well he figured further analyse on this could wait until he’d had breakfast.  

He wasn’t procrastinating…just hungry and he can’t think properly when he’s hungry. Multitasking wasn’t his speciality, especially at 6am. 

What even is 6am?

 

 

After planning to make the biggest and most time consuming bowel of cereal he’d ever made. He realised that, once again, he’d forgotten to pick up the milk Phil had asked for so opted for toast rather than unacceptably dry cereal. 

He’d brought his laptop into the kitchen and had managed to waste a surprising amount of time. So by the time he made it back into his room it was almost 8am and he had 3 missed calls and 24 messages on his phone. All of which were from Louise.

Thinking it was either some kind of emergency or 24 images of Louise’s new cat all at slightly different angles; he opened them swiftly. 

After opening the messages he realised there were far more caps and exclamation points than she tended to use in her texts and an unfortunate lack of cat pictures. It wasn’t ‘til he’d skimmed through some of her messages that he knew why. One message he found basically summed up what she was saying, the rest mostly being shocked emojis and keyboard mashing, that message was:

“YOU’RE BI AND HAVE HOTS FOR PHIL?????????????????????????????”

He had the amazingly sobering realisation that Jessica was Louise’s friend. It was very likely Louise would ask how the date was and it was also very likely that she’d tell her. Great. Fantastic. Wonderful.  

He called Louise. He figured it’d be easier than trying to figure out what “ASDKSFPHIL DFKKFDKWAT IDWTFJFC??!1!11” meant.

He called her phone the ringing fading into the background. All he could hear was the sound of his own heartbeat thumping in his chest. He wished he’d had more time to put his thoughts together and figure out what he was actually feeling. After all these years he was finally starting to realise that, no, he couldn’t procrastinate away his problems. 

‘EXPLAIN RIGHT NOW’ Well she certainly got to the point fast. 

‘Look, I didn’t exactly mean to tell her that it just came out’ Dan paused ‘no pun intended’ 

‘Daniel James Howell the things you manage to do “on accident” are truly incredible’  

‘I know it’s the eighth wonder of the world.’ He sighed ‘What, precisely, did she tell you?’ Dan chewed on his nails absentmindedly and then immediately stopped himself.He was nervous but he drew the line at shortening what small amount of nails he already had.

‘She said that the date went really well and she was really into you but that you didn’t notice at all and kept talking about your adorable/clumsy/kind/sweet flatmate. She said she asked you later and you explained that you were bi-curious. She wished you two luck for the future and that was it.’ 

Oh God he really _had_ been that obnoxious hadn’t he?   

But, as far as damage control goes, at least she’d been honest when giving away Dan’s secrets. In hindsight, he probably should have told her not to tell anybody. 

‘Okay, well that’s basically true then.’ 

‘Wait, so you actually _do_ have bi-curious feelings for Phil?’ Louise was starting to sound a lot more calm and collected about this than she’d previously been, for that Dan was thankful.  

‘…I mean…yeah, I guess?…I…I honestly don’t know. I feel like everything’s gotten mixed up lately and I’m not sure where I stand anymore.’ 

‘Oh’ Louise paused ‘Well if you had to describe it, what would you say your feelings for him are?’ 

Dan sat down on his bed and made himself comfortable leaning against the headboard. This was going to be a long conversation he could tell but at least if he was talking to Louise he was at least addressing his feelings instead of avoiding/ignoring/excusing them. Poor Louise had essentially become Dan’s therapist in all this.

‘He’s my best friend. Which is one thing that I don’t think has changed and I really don’t want it to. The feelings are more…physical I guess.’ There was a millions ways Dan could have worded that to explain it better but he really hoped Louise understood because God knows this was embarrassing enough as it was. 

‘I see’ Louise cleared her throat awkwardly ‘So basically you’re saying that, after rubbing up against each other, that you’re up for getting down and dirty again?’ 

Dan felt that there might be more to it than that but ‘Yeah that’s pretty much it’. 

‘So what’s stopping you then?’

‘Seriously? He’s my best friend, we live together and work together. Are lives are pretty much intwined with one another’s . I can’t risk it. I really really can’t. Even if I do have some kind of “feelings” for him he can’t know. He just can’t. After everything that’s happened in the years we’ve know each other and everything we’ve built together I can’t lose him. He’s my best friend.’ Dan felt like he had to catch his breath. He was starting to panic as the enormity of what was happening was starting to set in. 

Why was this happening? Why now? After everything they’ve done together.

‘Whoa steady on there everything is alright. Don’t worry’ Louise said ‘Ya know, have you ever thought to wonder how Phil feels about you? Maybe this isn’t such a one sided thing? Maybe he’s thinking about the same things you are?’ 

Dan felt like she was just getting his hopes up… Which made him wonder what exactly he was hoping for?

‘I appreciate what you’re trying to do but please don’t this is confusing as it is.’ Dan dragged his hand across his face ‘I just want things to be the way they’ve always been.’

‘Well Dan, you can’t always expect things to stay the same I-‘ There was muffled voices in the background as Louise sounded like she was talking to someone. ‘Sorry I’ll have to cut this one short. Motherly duties’ He could here the smile in her voice when she said that. Then her tone went serious again ‘I hope you figure things out. Call me again soon and let me know how you are or if you need anything, Okay?’

Dan smiled fondly ‘Okay thanks Louise’ after that the call ended and he left the phone on his bed. 

It was a shame that the call was cut short but, as usual, talking to her did help. Louise was a cross between a motherly worrier and a silly close friend and, in all, Dan was incredibly grateful for having her in his life. 

He knew for sure that he had something he needed to deal with and this time he was going to figure it out. 

Procrastination was no longer an option.

 

 

Dan laid on his bed with his laptop somewhere somewhere between his nipples and his stomach his back bent in a way that shouldn’t be considered comfortable by any human with a working spine, yet Dan found it to be his ideal position. 

He’d spent the last hour in his room Googling things like ‘How do I know if I’m Bisexual?’ or ‘is it normal to be attracted to your best friend’. Most of which had sent him to various websites and forums where people would ask about their specific problems but Dan felt that none of them really applied to him. He even did a few online sexuality quizzes but stopped when he realised just how pointless they were since they’re far from accurate, especially when one of the questions was actually “Are you bisexual?”. 

He was on the verge of giving up but then remembered one last thing that might help him figure himself out. 

Porn. 

Gay porn to be exact since Dan was pretty familiar with straight porn but gay porn wasn’t something that he often viewed.  

In all honestly, he watched it a few times in his younger teenage years out of simple curiosity. However, he found it didn’t do anything for him so he told himself he wasn’t gay and never watched it again. 

Well today was the day he was going to revisit it. For the first time in a long time.  

Dan found his headphones and made sure that his laptop volume was on as low as physically possible. There were many things he didn’t want to explain to his roommate right now and this was definitely one of them.

He rearranged his position and started searching.

The first videos that came up reminded him of the first videos he’d watched when he was younger. Large muscular guys grunting loudly as their bodies slammed against each other while the camera switched between wide shots and extreme close ups of things that were far too close to the screen for Dan to find in anyway attractive. 

This is where he’d given up last time because, just like last time, it wasn’t doing anything for him. However, this time Dan was on a mission. He was determined to figure this out so decided to search for something more specific and possibly more appealing.

After a lot of searching and weird thumbnails he came across a video of a attractive young gay couple laying on a bed and kissing. Both were still clothed and they took their time to causally let their hands roam and explore each other’s bodies, taking off one piece of clothing at a time. They weren’t as well built as the guys in the other views, for which Dan was thankful since he already felt bad enough for not going to the gym without seeing that. Their movements were a lot less aggressive and sounds a lot more muted. He felt a little odd thinking it but it was romantic and more importantly they looked like they were actually enjoying it while the other videos seemed more painful than pleasurable. 

The video was about 30 minutes long but Dan watched the whole thing while absentmindedly stroking himself through his pants.  

Then after a few more videos and slightly more enthusiastic stroking Dan realised that actually, yes, this did appeal to him. 

Dan was starting to believe that he might indeed be bisexual and which made him feel oddly relieved. 

It was comforting. 

He x’d off all his tabs and wiped his hand with a tissue now that the euphoria had completely faded away.  

 

 

But he couldn’t help thinking that it was a little strange that all the porn he’d enjoyed happened to include black hair emo boys with pale skin and a fringe…

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow its been so long. 
> 
> Sorry for the lack of updates I just started University and I have no idea how to manage time. Freshers was kinda a blur too. 
> 
> Also you should be reassured to know that I'm not doing any type of English or writing degree...Cuz I would completely and utterly fail. However, I am doing an animation degree so if you're wondering why an update is taking so long it's probably because I crying over deadlines and my poor attempts at drawing hands and backgrounds.
> 
> Btw I'm sorry I haven't responded to all of the comments but I want to let you know that I've read every one and they've been reminding me to keep working on this and making me smile so thank you all so very very much. 
> 
> ^^


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